Remember a few weeks ago, when the umpteenth downtown strip club was proposed for Milwaukee? Remember when you learned it wasn’t just any strip club, but a “Roaring ’20s-themed gentlemen’s club”? Remember when you thought, “There’s no way this is going to happen”? Well, it ain’t happening. According to Fox6, the group behind the latest wannabe downtown strip club abruptly withdrew their request for a liquor license mere days after requesting it. No explanation has been given, though Fox6 and city officials theorize a possible “five feet rule” for strip clubs, which will make it illegal for dancers to get within five feet of patrons, may have something to do with…wait. What?

Yes, in a move apparently hatched by junior high dance chaperones, Milwaukee is considering making it illegal for strip club dancers to get within five feet of strip club patrons. Fun! Fox6 explains:

Alderman Tony Zielinski said he hasn’t any doubt that, given the constitutional protections and licenses that are out there, that the city of Milwaukee will have strip clubs—but beyond that, the details are still being determined.

There is a continuing effort to rewrite city of Milwaukee ordinances pertaining to gentlemen’s clubs.

“The dancers would not be able to get within five feet of the patrons—and so that’s a little twist,” Zielinski said.

“Just as long as that little twist leaves room for Jesus,” Zielinski likely thought but did not add. Fox6 continues:

On Tuesday, November 1st, there was discussion about updating city of Milwaukee legislation related to strip clubs. Zielinski said the city has lost nearly $1 million in lawsuits due to outdated ordinances.

“Our city attorneys have indicated to us that they recommend we change our ordinances to insulate the city from any future legal action,” Zielinski said.

Zielinski, the chairman of the Milwaukee Common Council’s Licensing Committee said the so-called “five feet rule” is part of the continuing discussion.

Reverend Shaw Moore from the original Footloose couldn’t be reached for comment.