How’s your 2016 going so far? Good? Kind of shitty? We hear you. How about 2015? Sure, we may be a full week into the new year, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late to look back and take stock of the year that was. Just ask Milwaukee’s favorite troll and illegal parker, Sheriff David Clarke. In a recent episode of his weekly Blaze Radio Network podcast, The People’s Sheriff, the Milwaukee County Sheriff recaps 2015 the only way he knows how: by closing his eyes, gently resting his head on his desk, and slowly pooping out some of the most tired and by-the-numbers liberal-baiting turds this side of the Mississippi. Buckle up, sheeple! These poops are filled with…the truth.
Yes, if you’ve ever dreamed of experiencing Clarke’s equally “outrageous” Twitter account in audio form, this episode—and hell, every episode of The People’s Sheriff—is for you. If, however, you’ve always steered clear of podcasts that sound like a man slowly unraveling in an empty room while simultaneously absently looking at his phone, we’ve rounded up some “highlights” of Clarke’s rambling year in review.
On the Charleston church shooting coming in at No. 9 on the Associated Press’ list of top 10 stories of 2015
“In other words, some high profile homicides involving black perpetrators, they didn’t make the top ten. We don’t hear about that. How about that goof that killed that…on live air…that reporter…and, uh, that cameraman. I can’t remember what it was…Virginia, I think it was. We didn’t hear about that, as well as some others.”
On the AP list as a whole
“What story’s missing? How about…Planned Parenthood’s harvesting of baby parts, killing babies, harvesting their baby parts, and harvesting them off to the highest bidder? Where was that story in AP’s top ten? It didn’t even make number ten?”
“I mean, that story dominated the news media when it broke. The videos were graphic. The recordings. A woman talking about she needs a Ferrari, some kind of sports car. It was horrific.”
On the Republicans’ need to keep control of the Senate in the 2016 elections
“Will we really notice if the Democrats regain control of the Senate after that crap-tacular omnibus spending package? $1.1, $1.2 trillion in spending, that included funding, continued funding for Planned Parenthood, that included continued funding of sanctuary cities, continued funding for Obama’s illegal immigration program?”
“Republicans have to control…keep control of the United States Senate. Just in case they don’t win the White House. But even if they do they can keep that court slanted toward a conservative bent. We’ll be right back.” [Cuts to commercial for My Patriot Supply, offering a 72-hour emergency food supply with free shipping.]
On the Black Lives Matter movement
“Let’s take a look and see what the ‘Black Lies Matter’ movement is up to. That rebellion. That’s what it is. It’s not peaceful protest. I’ll give you some analysis as to why.”
“This is a political construct. This has nothing to do with black lives mattering. If it did, we would have seen them front and center during the Planned Parenthood exposure.”
On public schools
“These schools and these urban centers. Underperforming schools. The kids can’t read or write at grade level. Can’t add a three-digit number to a two-digit number and come up with the right answer. These are nothing more than laboratories for liberal indoctrination about slavery and discrimination.”
On performing his duties as Milwaukee County Sheriff over the holidays
“During Christmas week I was handed the keys to the Ferrari, so to speak, when Glenn Beck trusted me to host his daily radio program, The Glenn Beck Program, on TheBlaze Radio Network. What a tremendous opportunity that was.”
On performing his duties as Milwaukee County Sheriff throughout 2015
“One of the things I’ve also done, I’ve established relationships with some of the presidential candidates. Donald Trump’s campaign, for example. Scott Walker when he was a candidate. And Carly Fiorina, I established a relationship with her, appeared on a panel with her at CPAC last year. And also Senator Ted Cruz. I had lunch with Senator Ted Cruz several weeks ago, a private lunch, about ten or twelve of us, and I got to know him. He and I sat and we talked, at length. I got to…get inside the man.”