Craigslist is a great resource to help you sell your NordicTrack, score a free non-HD-compadible television or risk being manslaughtered by a stranger for a gently used copy of Mannequin Two: On The Move on VHS. More than anything, though, the interactive site is an endless archive of definitive proof that, at least compared to some people, you absolutely have your life together. It’s best not to get caught up in the endless parade of weirdos who populate Craigslist, but when stumbling upon a missed connection posting entitled “cousin sexual tension,” it’s kind of difficult to shake off.
With temptations like an open bar and well-dressed people working up a lather on the dance floor to “Come On Eileen,” weddings are a recipe for regrettable actions. However, a 25-year-old downtown Milwaukee resident not only ventured into taboo territory with member of his extended family at a wedding over the weekend, he’s hoping to take it to the next level.
“We were both together for the wedding this weekend,” the curious cousin starts. The short-but-effectively creepy instance of attempted electronic incest quickly takes a terrible turn.
I know you like me giving you massages and putting sun tan lotion on your back for a reason.
Nor do you mind when my hands brush your hips and butt.
Why don’t we explore this sexual tension.
Put my family’s nickname for me in the subject of the message.
If the man who posted the missed connection is reading this, you should leave whatever unsavory wedding actions be or risk making every future family outing a nightmare. If the post is to be believed, you’re a young, skinny, 6’4″ dude with a downtown pad. There are plenty of women who would be intrigued by that combo—many of whom aren’t in your gene pool.