Here at Milwaukee Record, we employ a sentient machine known as the Great Job, Milwaukee Bot (similar to OnMilwaukee‘s Jeff Sherman Bot 8000) to keep track of the city’s many appearances on dopey online lists, as well as any time a national publication deigns to acknowledges our pathetic Midwest existence. Recently, the infernal machine brought us news that Rolling Stone liked Summerfest, and that The New York Times thought Milwaukee was a “cursed sports city” Today, it reports that—no shit—Milwaukee is a great place for Fourth of July celebrations. beep-boop-beep

According to personal finance site WalletHub, Milwaukee ranks 8 out of the 100 largest cities in America when it comes to celebrating the Fourth. The site pitted cities against each other using “three key dimensions”: entertainment and food, attractions and activities, and Fourth of July weather forecast. Here’s how Milwaukee ranked, per FOX6:

15th – Average beer and wine prices
22nd – Walkability
1st – Legality of fireworks
53rd – Accommodations and food service establishments per capita
20th – Fourth of July weather forecast
20th – Fourth of July popularity of the city
2nd – Duration of fireworks show

Seattle, Washington topped the list, while apparently freedom-hating Laredo, Texas came in at number 50. We can only assume the South Shore Frolics’ recently un-canceled “Blow Up The Beach” fireworks finale wasn’t taken into consideration, ’cause that shit would have put us over the top. whiz-beep-whir